Why I broke up with my Baby Whisper
When Issy was born I planned to co-sleep with her and I did for the first three weeks. She snuggled into me closely day and night and I cherished every moment being close to her.
As the days went on I found that the sleepless nights of not sleeping that well next to Isabelle saw me put her in the bassinet next to me, and she slept soundly and safely next to me, I was worried I would roll on her during the night. And that was fine.
Isabelle was being demand feed, until somehow I got my hands on a book – of which I will not name, but it led me astray in the hope of sleep!
Its not the end of the world. But it is my journey as a first time mum so i thought I would share it. Like many mums.. this book is doing the rounds with first time mums all over the place.. I have been guilty to recommend it to people. When talking to a mum in the local library I looked rather tired and she said have you heard of this book.. try it! It is mentioned everywhere!
I put Isabelle on a routine and the routine worked…..
I had a baby at three months that was sleeping through the night. She would wake up happy. And I remember people saying to me “you have a such a happy relaxed baby”! and I would say its great I’m using this book blahh blahhh. Isabelle knows when she is being fed and knows when it is her sleep time, its because of this I have a happy baby”!
I also remember thinking to myself as Isabelle slept through the night I miss her waking up and the special cuddle time that her and I would share in the still darkness of the night. Knowing that I was the only one in the world who could serve her needs if she woke. But the Baby Whisper had worked! I had got exactly what I had asked for! A baby that slept through the night. Sure it was what everyone around me and I myself had led to believe was the most normal thing.
BUT.. five weeks of sleeping through the night and Isabelle started waking again! once then twice the three times. WHY wasn’t the baby whisper working? what wasn’t the routine working? (WHY WASNT MY BRAIN WORKING more like it) I spent days trying to figure it out. Reading the book again again! Asking questions on online forums .. looking at my watch trying to make sure I did everything right by the baby whisper book!
Isabelle had a different Ideas… when we went to NZ this year and with our expensive Porta Cot ( which indecently I had been second questioning myself but convincing myself that it was the safest place for a baby to be and would mean consistency) off we went. All of a sudden my perfect little self settler wouldn’t go to sleep in it and Isabelle didn’t want a bar of it. And I found that the only way we could get her to sleep is if we lay down together and slept and so we did.
Upon arriving back to Australia Isabelle settled back into her Cot and she was happy! Protest crying of course a few nights but off to sleep she would go! Because protest crying of course is normal isn’t it?
Then she would start waking again once, twice three times. WHY WAS my baby whisper book not working.. Countless days of agonising over why the routine wasn’t working and basically sleep deprivation to breaking point, made me realise that this baby whisperer shit is not working.
WHERE WAS MY BRAIN! WHERE HAS MY SENSE BEEN! WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN TRUSTING MYSELF! AND WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN LISTENING TO MY CHILD!
I don’t have these answers but I do have my honesty. And I’m sure there are so many mums like myself that have read these books.
But the little voice in the back of my head was finally heard last week.
With countless nights of sleep deprivation I said to Hamish! Isabelle is sleeping with us tonight.
ISABELLE SLEPT ALL NIGHT. NOT ONE CRY. I SLEPT ALL NIGHT!
For some reason for the last 6 months I have been fighting my instints and that of my child. All for what? sleep when ALL I HAD TO DO was put her in my bed with me and I COULD HAVE SLEPT LIKE A BABY WITH A BABY!
so I did and I HAVE SLEPT FOR THE LAST FIVE NIGHTs… A weight has been lifted off my shoulders and one certain book has been placed in the BIN!
In saying that mums do have problems getting their babies to sleep. But there are ways to do it.
I remember seeing a website and a book called the NO CRY SLEEP SOLUTION by Elizabeth Pantley! The thing that stuck out with this book was that Elizabeth asks…
“WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.. Why do you need your child to sleep?” When I read this I burst into tears. How can you have expectations of a little child Sarah. But I had.
So this is what I have learnt… along the way
- Your Baby is the best judgment of what it needs and when it needs it.
- Babies actually like routines such as Wake.. feed play sleep.. but not ones that are timed to the clock.. your baby doesn’t work to a clock they work to the beat of their heart.
- Throw out your breast pump. Especially if you are not working. Your boobs are designed to feed your baby not a bottle. Babies can have nipple confusion and it can play havoc on your breast milk supply.
- Babies wake up during the night and are supposed to it is part of their natural survival instinct, and is a babies way of naturally preventing of SIDS.
- >CO- Sleeping especially when breast feeding is the most natural place for a baby to be. I have slept so soundly with Isabelle when she sleeps with me, when she has needed a feed during the night I have lightly woken feed her and WE have fallen asleep together again! ITS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! I
I;m not going to beat myself up on this, I have learn’t so much as a first time mum. And of course we look to books for help and advice!
Our social support networks have crumbled around us. We are even more isolated than ever in raising our children, our society believes what we read these days in the media in books on face book and online.. and well the end of the day I was a sucker for it!
And funnily enough here I am raising a child with the most natural of principles including raw food, organic principles etc.. but I still got hooked in. I was the most unlikely of person find but I found out the hard way! But I’m not the only one out there which is the really sad thing.
Anyway this is what the organic mum is all about.! Me blogging my honest journey with raising our child Isabelle!
There is only one book I would recommend and that is the Elizabeth Pantley book the No Cry Sleep Solution. What a beautiful book and gentle approach to helping our children to sleep gently and with compassion.
Isabelle feel asleep in my arms tonight feeding. She is sound asleep and when she wakes she will come cuddling into our bed and I cant wait for our all night cuddles.
With peace and Love Sarah xx